you know, it really sucks when it feels like no matter what you do you piss someone off. and even when you feel like youre doing nothing wrong someone is mad at you. especially when that one person is supposed to be the person youre closest to, and can talk to about anything. but at the same time, sometimes it feels like they could care less. unless youre doing something wrong. then it matters. then every little thing you say or do matters. and they wont listen to reason. im just trying to balance out my life. i dont think i should be asked to restrict who i can be friends with so severely, especially after youve decided we shouldnt be together twice. and i even went back to you after you did that shit. i just dont understand how you can have absolutely no trust for me at all after that. why would i have put up with that if i was actually going to cheat on you? why would i have even told you where i was going? i could have just as easily not said anything. i just dont understand how its fair for you to get mad at me over something so trivial after everything youve put me through. and honestly, sometimes it seems like youve lost interest in me. so i freak out. because you kind of fucking terrify me. because i honestly think i want to be with you more than you want to be with me. and i shouldnt let myself stop talking to pretty much everyone else for someone whos probably just going to decide to break up with me in a month. and no, that doesnt mean im trying to line someone else up to take your place. i just dont want to be left completely by myself when the inevitable happens. id like to still have friends. because when that day comes im going to be the biggest idiot in the world. i just wish you could see things through my perspective for once. but you never do. the way i see it, im with someone i really want to be with. someone who has decided they didnt want me twice, someone who gets mad at me constantly when i have innocent intentions. someone who does not seem to be interested in me half the time and who i feel like would usually rather be doing anything else than talking to me. someone whos promises mean nothing because they could change their mind in an hour, someone i cant let myself get comfortable with because i know this. but despite all of this, someone i still want to be with. youre with someone because you have nothing better to do. and im not the type of person to be okay with this. im just really hoping that im wrong.